Sore

I came to the conclusion tonight that I am emotionally sore. You know when you work muscles too much in a day and they ache as your head hits the pillow? When I tried to sleep tonight, I felt sore.

I've been using too many emotions in too many different areas in my life. I feel like my emotions are ready to turn in their two weeks notice if I don't let up a little.

We moved out of our house yesterday and the charm of travel is being swallowed up by the ache of loss. At first I thought it was shallow how much I loved my stuff, but now I think it's good. I miss terribly the couch that we sold the other day. That was the biggest purchase we made as a new couple. We fell asleep on that couch together, we came up with the brilliant idea of "Saturday Morning Movies" on that couch, and we ate a good 50% of our meals on it. I miss the atmosphere and smell of home that came with that couch.

But mainly, I miss feeling at home. It's hard to feel at home when you don't have things that mean home. I mean, I will always have a home with Charity and King, but I think being with them is more of a feeling of safety than feeling at home. Having a physical home gives a context for safety that is created by relationships, but that feeling is available even when they are not there.

I'm glad that heaven will be a physical place. I like the thought of feeling totally safe and totally at home.

Yeah, that'll be nice.